In a nutshell, people who are securely attached have learned to trust that other people will take care of them; that they are worthy of love and belonging. People whose experiences with a caregiver are negative or unpredictable still want connection. They still want to feel like they belong and are loved (remember, connection is a biological drive), but their experiences have led to internalizing the opposite feelings.
Read More…Again, all of this is to drive home the importance of understanding that our need to connect with others is hardwired into our basic existence. It’s pretty much a matter of life and death. If we aren’t able to form bonds, we do not thrive.
Read MoreTo get a better understanding of how adult relationships can go awry, we need to have a look at some of the first relationships we form in life. But, to understand why that is important we need a bit of a history lesson.
Read MoreWhat does the word sacrifice make you think of? Does it have a negative connotation to you? Does it bring up feelings of loss?
Read MoreI recently had the experience of being a guest on "The Guiding Compass," a podcast hosted by Sandra Kushnir, a fellow Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Sandra is the owner of Meridian Counseling, a private practice based out of Santa Monica, CA.
Read MoreWant a fun way to put your relationship to the test, and to see the interplay between primary and secondary emotions in real time? TRY RIDING A TANDEM BIKE TOGETHER!
Read MoreWhen I first started my journey of recovery in 2010, I was pretty much a giant ball of anxiety. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t stop the racing thoughts. I was hearing a lot about “being present” from other people in recovery, but my mind was constantly in the past dwelling on where I went wrong, or in the future trying to figure out how I was going to make it all better. I couldn’t really grasp the concept of present moment awareness, or how to even attain something like that.
Read MoreDo you notice yourself coming up with a lot of ideas, setting big goals around these ideas, moving ahead full steam into these goals... only to realize a couple of weeks down the road that you have all but abandoned your plans without even realizing it? Yeah... me too.
Read MoreWhen our attachment needs are triggered it’s more often than not about wants and desires, hurt feelings, longing for closeness and support, needing to know you are important, that you matter to your partner. But, usually those needs are hard to express to a partner you feel might not get it. Or, it might not even really register with you at the time that this is what you’re actually asking for.
Read MoreAre you a worrier? Do you find yourself incessantly lost in thought, trying to predict the outcomes of future events? Do you tend to ruminate on all of the worst possible outcomes, rather than focus on what might go right? Do you lose sleep at night not only thinking about everything that might go wrong tomorrow, but everything that might go wrong for the rest of your life? Do you have anxiety that you have too much anxiety????
Read MoreStepping into vulnerability is one of THE MOST COURAGEOUS things you can do. Many people mistakenly equate vulnerability with weakness. This is not an accurate assumption. Working at its best, vulnerability requires one to step fully into their authentic self and walk through the world with walls down, unguarded.
Read MoreEarly into my own recovery process, a friend of mine recommended a book for me to read. It had been recommended to him as a book that would change his life, and he recommended it the same way to me. To this day, I think both of us would credit this book as one of the most important books we have ever read.
Read MoreThis is arguably one of the most important factors for success.
Read MoreIt blows my mind that I am rarely ever controlled by anxiety today. I still get nervous. I still, on occasion, worry about the future and have irrational fears of judgment from others. But, I am no longer controlled by it.
Read MoreWhat sacrifices are you willing to make to create the life you want for yourself?
Read MoreYour attachment style doesn’t just affect your relationship with a significant other; it pretty much creates a lens through which you interpret all interpersonal interactions
Read MoreLet’s talk about a little term I coined (as far as I know) called “Healthy Procrastination.” But, don’t let the name fool you this isn’t necessarily something you want to be engaging in.
Read MoreEFT is an evidence-based practice, meaning the clinical practice is based on sound research that demonstrates the effectiveness of the treatment. With more than 30 years of research on the science of adult attachment and emotional bonding, EFT provides a structured approach to couples therapy based on clear, explicit conceptualizations of what causes the cycles of distress in relationships.
Read MoreThe inspiration behind the name for “Focus Therapy” came from a couple of different sources; first being photography.
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