In a nutshell, people who are securely attached have learned to trust that other people will take care of them; that they are worthy of love and belonging. People whose experiences with a caregiver are negative or unpredictable still want connection. They still want to feel like they belong and are loved (remember, connection is a biological drive), but their experiences have led to internalizing the opposite feelings.

Still Face Experiment

…Again, all of this is to drive home the importance of understanding that our need to connect with others is hardwired into our basic existence. It’s pretty much a matter of life and death. If we aren’t able to form bonds, we do not thrive.

History of Attachment Theory

To get a better understanding of how adult relationships can go awry, we need to have a look at some of the first relationships we form in life. But, to understand why that is important we need a bit of a history lesson.